Week 4 is already among us and this week we are learning about the "deserts" that God sometimes puts us through. I think back on all the events that have happened in my life and realize that many of them were "deserts" that He put me in. I may not have seen it that way but I know NOW that those events were exactly that, DESERTS. Step 1: Scripture
Exodus 16:3 and said to them, "We wish that the Lord had killed us in Egypt. There we could at least sit down and eat meat and as much other food as we wanted. But you have brought us out into this desert to starve us all to death."
Step 2: Observation
I could sit here and probably list out all the those events for you but I'll stick to the ONE event that always seems to be my biggest life changing event: my husband's suicide. As the anniversary quickly approaches, I find myself doing the exact same thing I do at this time the last four years. I think about those days events and everything that has changed since then.
When I think of deserts, I picture what they show on TV: the guy, who is ALONE, is struggling in the middle of nowhere, looking for water and seeing mirages of things that aren't there. That's how I felt. I don't think I had ever felt so alone during that time, seeing things that weren't there, searching for answers. Something I won't admit to anyone (until now) is that I STILL feel that way. I still feel ALONE and am waiting for the day I don't feel that way.
Before that moment, I would pray to God ONLY when I needed something, not when I just wanted to say thanks or wanted to have an authentic conversation. I truly only seeked Him when I NEEDED something. Looking back, that was HORRIBLE. How can one only seek our God when only something is needed??!?
There were so many times that I could have just had conversations with God instead of only seeking Him when I needed something. I'm learning that now. I'm learning that I need to TRUST that He has a handle on what's going on in my life. If I don't trust in Him, how can I expect to have Him there to lead me along the way? It just doesn't work that way.
Step 3: Application
I think the one thing that I keep seeing in my application section of my SOAP is that I need to TRUST God. I need to learn to be PATIENT and just have FAITH that God is leading me and knows what He's doing. So my application will continue the same: I will place my FAITH and TRUST in God TODAY and know that everything will be alright. He will not abandon me as long as I continue to talk to Him and communicate my fears and worries. He will PROVIDE.
Step 4: Prayer
Lord, I ask that you continue to light the path that you have selected for me. I am learning that everything you have put me through was to get me PAST my DESERT to a place where I know You will PROVIDE for me. Continue to light the way for me and instill that TRUST and PATIENCE I so desperately need to have. Amen.
I hope that you all know that you are not the only ones to go through a desert. God has each and everyone of us go through them to instill that FAITH and TRUST in Him. You are not alone! :)